A low point

      I decided to do another practice run of my TED style speech. TEDxNashville had their show on Saturday. I chose not to go. I think it would've been hard for me to sit through presentations which I knew were weaker than mine.
      Not to imply that all the presentations would be weaker, but I've watched repeatedly all the presentations done in 2011 and 2010. There were a couple of real clunkers each year. It happens. I should have been on that stage in Nashville Saturday.
      I invited 15-20 people to the Sunday practice run. One person showed up. We had a great talk about how I needed to better leverage my time and efforts to get the Oak Ridge story out to the world. It was a very productive discussion.
      But still, it was a very low moment for me. If I can't get Oak Ridgers to act, how in the world can I expect the world to take notice?
      I spent last night looking at all the work over the last seven years and all the dead end leads I have chased down. My life would be extremely easy and carefree if I just stopped trying to sell Forgivenessonline. I have spent thousands of hours pounding my head against the wall.
      Thousands of hours a year would be available. I could go back to reading 50-100 books a year. Hell, I could write a book. Freedom to Fail, my long essay about the social contract in America has been collecting dust. I could spend hundreds of hours fixing up my wife's house. It needs lots of TLC. I've always wanted to shoot 90 on a golf course. That would take a little time. Always wanted to hone my skills in a kitchen so at least I could claim a certain competency there. And my guitars gather dust. I could really take my playing to an aspiring, awesome place.
      But could I live with myself if I gave up on Forgiveness? Would I be haunted forever? Would I, deep in the night, look out the window, listening to the wind sing through the leaves on the trees and think, "What if?"
      I don't know. I don't know.